jus so u noe; things hav been so hard on my side. it's been worth a million wile of thinking. bt it seems im just making things more worse den i shud. i noe its been sucha while since i last blog. things hav been so hard at my end. and dis has always been de last resort as it seems cyberworld jus sucks big time.

im at home today. jus having de whole lot of thinking making. i had to move a step further. forward jus a little wile. bt why i jus cant. he noes dat i love him whole heartedly. and he came and go. wad does he wants actually from me? am i jus not good enough as to support him through behind al this while. and damn i jus dunnoe wat he wants and does. thus; im lost. pls giv me the strengh. ya allah.

ive been drinking alot this month. and it just make things worst den usual. roller coaster leads dis way. and im jus nt being myself.

i had umpteens of times of forgiving. bt i repeat things triple more every single day.

photoes ar uploaded in fb. and it was blast. a terrible blast for this month. i had my drinks on dear aisyah bdae. and dat is nt counted de weeks before. ive been drinking almost thrice every week. wad am i doing? and why it seems ive lost myself. aisyah's bdae was sweet. we were on to sing at bdok cash. and i sang it al out. though bdae grl hav to left early. it was a beautiful nite wit tasha. things were jus as smooth as we build de friendship way bac time.

gues like few days aftr that. had de scroll wit iqah and zida family. it was another beautiful time. bt the heart was nvr as beautiful as outer it seems. met iqah around evening. watch the kite flying at sengkang field. sadly; we cant geta see sunset. off to hougang to fetch zida and fam. and next we head off to woodland to get fried ice cream. gosh tells dat; it was sooo perfect. thnks to iqah she brought me to taste all this amazing stuff. nt forgotten my maggee seafood like as been soaked in kichap al the way -_-. and my chocolate blend. with de sweetnest of her niece. eveyrthing was so nice. next we head off to woodland waterfront. and again. things are bac to same in mind. i missed him. and how i just wish i could tel him dat. next we head off to jalan kayu. and just chill next at damp. de night was sweet. rili great.

lets jus start wad i could remembered. ive started work yestrday. and it's just a plain day wit or without excitement. drank again at night. and wel; last lost was way bac years. i cant believe i was lost last nyte. i believe things hav been so hard and de night is jus fulled wit 'MIMI'.

tell me. wad should i do?. its been a yr plus. wad does he wants actually from me. i hate it. i hate this to repeat itself every single fcuking day. guide me. pls; a soul; anyone.